Friday, August 06, 2004
- She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up,
Till I close my eyes.
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know.
And though she's so far away,
It just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go
Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows.
My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her,
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in time
I'll know she's mine
But tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go
'Coz heaven knows
Why I live in despair
'Coz wide awake or dreamin',
I know she's never there
And all the time I act so brave,
I'm shakin' inside
Why does it hurt me so?
hmmm i chanced upon an old classmate's blog and i think what she says is really very striking. all victims are culprits, we're all a burden/worry to someone else. and that's very real. i believe that, and i felt so sad for her cos she's having serious family problems. so many people i know have rough family lives. it's becoming a reality in s'pore. when i see all these real life things happening so close to home, i feel that i'm actually very blessed. at least my mom loves me. at least i don't hate school so much i'm entertaining suicide. i'm not going crazy, i like my class. i'm not having relationship problems, nor crushing terribly on some guy, i'm not getting my heart shredded. i'm doing reasonably well compared to people who are pulling in straight F's (serious, it's true.) people i thought were sane and optimistic and strong have suddenly crumbled under the stresses of a whole new world. those people are the tall trees, the seemingly indomitable, the un-fragile and the lasting. people like me are like lichens that are easily crushed, low-lying and prefer to stay outta the action. but still, i'm here and you're there and now there's a chasm that's opening between us and it'll never, never be closed. i'll never see you again, walk with you, laugh with you. i'll never see a sms with your name on it, never see you smile, nor see your face frozen in concentration. i mourn for the times that are past, but i cry for the times that were to be but never will materialise. in hind sight, why was i so damn dumb to throw away the fragile bond we forged, the unlasting friendship? it's funny how life throws you for a spin. i was too confident, too assured that no matter what happened, you would be there, by my side, because how cld it be otherwise? i'm going thru that now. the most painful withdrawal symptoms are over, but now it's burnt out to leave remnants of hurt in my heart. the embers of the conflagration that once burnt cannot be little, and they hurt like the bloody devil sometimes, and worse at others. but what can i do? shed a tear for all i've lost and walk on. keep walking on. don't turn back, or you'll never get out of the mire. but why, why, why? why did you come into my life, only to go away? what is the bloody point? is there a point? a reason why this has to occur? the worst thing is, eveytime i thought/think it's the worst, it can't get any more painful, the unthinkable occurs. is there anything that truly lasts? i know that nothing we accumulate on earth can persist, but what of the insubstantial, intangible things we leave behind? it makes one long to leave this unforgiving and unbending world for the eternal rest that God promises. what's to mourn? the things of this world cannot be brought there anw. and in the long run, the people we truly treasure and who treasure us will be there. i'm so tired...
slash with the pen |||
5:52:00 pm
