Tuesday, May 03, 2005
- lol many many ppl falling sick. like poor thomas (only mentionable cos he was the last sick person i met in sch) tmr's your syf, man. take care. many choir ppl sick. ms champagne even mentioned twas cos they were overworked. and underpaid. haha.
i walk the empty streets through the boulevard of broken dreams
i'm terribly behind in all my work cept maths. haiz.
so dead i dunno what i'm doing with my life.
tmr's the exco interviews. i'm glad, in a way. the exco has really been a beacon in my life, like when i felt suicidal and stuff.
it's interesting, to read other people's blogs. it brings me back to reality as i knew it - the reality of not rushing around and trying to do 48 hours worth of work in a day. ah well. amazing how convoluted sentences arise out of people's ramblings.
personally, i never felt the need to explore the nitty gritty of my day - after all, one can only take so much musing before throwing one's hands up in the air as well as the proverbial towel. haha. not making sense. i just feel...disgruntled. and no, the ellipses mean i have nothing better to say.
how's life, man. my friend asked me. (obviously after a communication breakdown) how's life.
well. there's cca.
hmm. there's also pre u sem.
hey, wait. i'm also taking the a levels at the end of the year.
ahhh. that sounds bearable, right?
how about this version.
i'm struggling to keep my head above water because i can't cope with 4 A's. i have lousy time management and enough apathy to want to keep it this way because i can't/won't change. my grades are slipping faster than the sun from the sky.
i'm losing sleep. can't keep myself in slumber for more than 3 or 4 hours. as a result, i'm drained in the morning and i keep long hours in school. i NEED sleep. i can do without the telly, or the computer, but i need sleep. this is often the cause celebre for inattentiveness in class.
and now cca interviews. Oh man, i didn't know what i was in for when i gamely volunteered to take it on. i don't regret it, but...i see the fallacy in this already with the elections not in full swing as yet. just another chunk of the pie of my time, which is getting too small to cut.
haiz, pre u sem. i like it, i enjoy it. but i think i'm so far out of my league i'm in another star system. everyone is alert, awake. smart beyond fathoming. really. the amount of intelligence, only to be rivalled by ego, is astoundingly mind-boggling.
but i like my life. i like walking in the school gate at the crack of dawn and watching the sun rise. pink streaked with blue, tinged with yellow, striped with white. it's really pretty. other days when i'm earlier the sky is midnight blue, moon bright in the sky. sometimes there're stars. when i leave school those same stars wink back at me. the trees in the school, verdant and green - there's no other word to describe it. and i like being inane. being a retard. acting half my age. doing ridiculous things at wildly inappropriate times and howling with laughter at our childishness.
i want to look back on college life and be a living testament that whatever else it is, nj is not dull. not boring. not to me, at least. nj's just a place, but the people in it are what make it different.
even though it's a helluva rollercoaster, it's my rollercoaster and i ain't getting off till the end. sure, it seems like the pits now, but i have faith that it'll pick up. the self-same faith that enables me to get through the days. i'm counting down. but down to what, i don't know. maybe i don't want to know. i like my simplistic view, although we all know that the real measure of the world. it's so easy to be disillusioned when taking lit. tear the layers apart. search for hidden meaning and intrinsic details and pillage the field of words till you can put together a fruitful essay. is this what college education is about?
slash with the pen |||
6:58:00 pm
