Saturday, February 24, 2007
- 我为你写了一百多首情歌
我让情歌写成一座藏经阁
隽永辞意在白昼
一直承诺着
就忘情传颂到日落
别让光阴虚度
春天经过
就爱我在雪融以后
Boo. Holidays are over... Whimsically I wish I could be like Aure and tour Europe, spend my birthday in Prague, backpack over Estonia... C'est la vie.
An evil thought just crossed my mind. The A level results are coming out again -grins- Sorry to all my juniors who are really anxious and all, but I just think my brother's gonna get his comeuppance then I can't wait to see what he gets.
A1 only, what's the big deal
-huff-
Even if I didn't deserve it I was still quite happy, scrooge :p So this year I'm waiting to see how someone who flunked prelims will do on the As. -dances around imaginary stake-
But at least all the negativity around CNY is dissipating -cross fingers and hopes not to tempt fate- and since Aure's counting down, I can count down too! :p Twenty five days left of teenage years.
Teenage years... spanning all the way from pri school till university. I spent at least part of every single year in some educational institute. It'll probably be the time of my life I look back on most fondly. Sure, there were distasteful things. Some of which I remember more bitterly than others... But well. Almost ten years ago, I was so different from now-!
I remember wryly thinking that if I chopped my fringe off at the roots it would stay away and not grow out. I remember suaku-ly reading the time to a party as 5.30pm instead of 1530hours and then being berated by friends. I remember all the goofs we did in sec school, all the teachers we pissed off, all the "you're not going to make it in life!"s we were scolded with, all the lackadaisical days we had in CCA enjoying the aircon and persuading teacher that Hikaru no go WAS related to weiqi :p I remember more idyllic days where we were trying to get "in touch" with our more religious side and acted like we were on hashish without the drug -grins- like totally zoned out and a little bit flower-powerish and all "everything's cool!" I remember then moving to somewhere completely foreign like a bacteria and then colonising the whole place to make it a -fun- place to be in. I remember all the phantoming around and learning how to sleep with my eyes open, learning that there was a little extrovert lurking inside me, learning that our classroom wasn't limited to the grass-green walls of S23. Then... I remember working, learning how to cope, learning how terrible first days can be and how abhorrent court shoes were; learning how bosses really can make your life living hell and deciding that I wanted a little uncertainty in my life.
And so here I am. My educational pursuits are drawing to a close. I daresay I am at least halfway through. Although I could put up a token resistance ("School sucks!") I know twenty years down the road I will definitely want to be here saying "School sucks!" while lounging relatively carefree-ly like a slob.
Which kind of brings me to another sort of worry. Everyone's telling me "twenty is adult", "twenty is independent", but what I hear is "twenty is no fun". Hmph. We'll see. I don't want to become someone un-fun, all stressed and worried and busy all the time with stupid work things but it seems like an inevitability. I've already started down that efil slippery slope of "I must study if I want to do well" -scowls- and well. I know I can't let my parents (parent, parents -sniff-) down, and I know I could do better. The little voice at the back of my head is muttering "If you can pass without studying, you would do AT LEAST better if you studied!" And that's tempting, isn't it? I can do better. I don't have to just settle for average. But the inertia weighing me down is so prohibitive to the aggressive action I need to keep me from being bogged down; it's just ugh.
I haven't written such a long entry for awhile... Blogging is the most fictional writing I do -wry- As it is, this entry will probably be the last for awhile, since I look at my blog with blank eyes, nowadays.
想留不能留
才最寂寞
没说完温柔
只剩离歌
心碎前一秒
用力的相拥着沈默
用心跳送你
辛酸离歌
心碎前一秒的感觉。。。谁又知道呢？
可能。。。 听太多伤心的歌。。。令我的心也一起一点点痛。
slash with the pen |||
11:40:00 pm
